Alone

Right about now, would be a good time for me to scream. I spend most of my weekends in a house where drawers slam, children fall, parents yell, tv's roar, and cars slowly careen by. It drives me crazy to know that my friends are happily depressed in each other's company, while I am alone in this banal, restricted room. Four corners never looked so forlorn, even as I paint them. Movies make me feel even lonelier, watching quarreling lovers make up with a sweet bedtime smoke and pancake. It's impossible not to feel like I want to scream.

First Entry...

Well, I certainly didn't expect the journey to my blogging to begin so early. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't feel the hardships of a blog until maybe three days later, when I would have to humanely decide, "TO BLOG or NOT TO BLOG." The purpose of my blog is purely selfish, but today people seem to enjoy the inter-working of everyone's mind, so I decided to skip on my perfunctory purchase of a small oddly colored or textured journal that I would forget about for months at a time and go right ahead and begin my blog ages before I got into college.

So, my adventure:
I had promptly finished using the bathroom and decided to brush my teeth. After glancing at my bed for the seventh time, I realized I'd left my watercolors on my bed for a REASON. Oh yes, I was supposed to paint today, but I was so uninspired, so very distraught and left penniless with the currency of the time being ideas. I spit the white froth of my favorite Colgate into the sink rinsed my mouth and the sink and left the bathroom to stare at my paints.

I stole the paints my last year at Mt. Vernon High. It was perfectly alright, they completely dismembered the art classes at the school anyway. I remembered the day I stole them was the last day and I sighed with my hand on my hips and made my decision promptly. I grabbed a vase, and some pencils and sat on my bed with my computer and decided to blog. Ah yes, it makes no sense, but I'm getting to it.

NOW, here I am on my bed with paints and a vase and brushes (that I also stole), sitting next to me in bed not painting and odd picture I'm sure. But I am blogging because I want to stick to something, I haven't stuck to painting or anything except my beloved Jeffrey and even my relationship with him gets rocky. The journey I was looking for, was a journey to something I would have to do, much like brushing my teeth, in order to feel healthy and be healthier. Unfortunately, it began sooner than I had hoped.

I got online excited to write my first entry, thinking I would skip the posh and get right down to business, instead...I found out, I would need a name. I pondered it and LilOwl was born. An aside to my dear Jeffrey Lee Owens, I like little owls too, but that was mostly who it was for. I moved on and realized I would have to write that same trash as usual, favorite movies, favorite music, and when I got to the books I said, "To HELL with it," and hastily typed in, "too many." It is a true statement, I do like too many books, but I could have listed them...I'm simply being lazy about it. And then I came to the lay outs, I don't want to seem too hipster, too emo, too self-centered, too boring, too fat, too ugly, too ....myself. So I closed my eyes, and pop...there it was. My heart was palpating at an erratic speed, I felt alive, I WAS DOING SOMETHING...and I hadn't even begun the first entry. A tiny, "oh" echoed across my room as I realized this...and here I am writing.

So, my first ...reader... whoever you are. BE prepared. I may not write this much everyday, but let's hope I write and keep my head on. History is important it allows us to look back, if I began to record my own history I can look back and recall what makes my journey worth it.